READ THE LATEST REVIEW ON THE 2024 BMW X7 M60 HERE

For the most part, SUVs confuse me. Most of them seem to be pointlessly upscaled versions of already quite big cars, or they're remarkably small and underwhelming versions of what you expect a big car to be. Why buy a BMW X5 when an X-Drive 5 Series estate exists? Why buy a Mercedez-Benz GLC when a perfectly good C Class estate exists? And I've not even mentioned the frankly bizarre world of upscaled Fiat 500s or Minis yet. To me, the vast majority of SUVs seem ridiculous for all the wrong reasons. 

...That is until they're suddenly so ridiculous that they start becoming strangely brilliant. Welcome to the mad realm of Luxury SUVs, which is currently dominated by brands like Bentley, Rolls-Royce, and Range Rover, all of whom are producing cars with price tags that would rival your average three bedroom semi-detached house.

Meet the X7, BMW's stab at the luxury SUV market and a car that, for some reason, I like very much. Much like 99.9% of the global population, I have absolutely zero need for a Luxury SUV. And despite many long-running jokes about me seemingly being a multi-millionaire on the driven chat podcast, you may be surprised to learn that I do not actually have a casual spare hundred thousand pounds to drop on a new car. But when our friends at Partridge BMW asked if I fancied driving £88,985.00 worth of BMW around for a week or so, it didn't take me a very long time to say 'yes, please!' After all, there's no harm in trying something new, right?

Getting to drive 'the really posh stuff' is one of the best parts of my job. It's like being asked if you'd like to stay in a 5-star hotel for a week - for free. In a posh hotel, your eyes are opened to a parallel universe where you get to see a version of what you already know, but better. Posh hotels have comfier beds, better-tasting food, a nicer bottle of house wine and usually (but not always) much friendlier staff. It's all very lovely and is made all the more special with the knowledge that much of it is entirely unnecessary when a Premier Inn or a half-decent B&B could offer much of what you actually need for a fraction of the cost.

With hotels, it can be easy to differentiate between the leagues of 'cheap and cheerful' and 'luxury'. However, these days with cars, a manufacturer pulling off 'luxury' is more impressive than ever before. We all know that there isn't really such thing as a bad car anymore. Skodas no longer last four months before catching fire, cheap Fords no longer morph into a ball of orange corrosion when driven near the sea, and Ladas and Dacias are now made by the same people who build Alpine sportscars and Formula 1 racing cars. These days, a cheap run-around contains more electronics, luxuries and gadgetry than the most luxurious cars from 20 years ago. For around £15,000, you can purchase a brand new car with purifying and ionising air conditioning systems, electric adjusting heated seats and a sound system that would satisfy even the most demanding audiophile, and yet thousands of people each month are willingly purchasing luxury SUVs for £60,000 or more. Why?

Starting in the late 1960s and for almost four generations, there was only really one luxury SUV, and it came from a little company called Land Rover. From 1969 all the way through to the mid-1990s, Land Rover with their Range Rover was the only company bold enough (on the European side of the Atlantic at least) to make something unnecessarily and unashamedly big whilst boasting comfort, luxury and style. The Range Rover had 100% of the luxury SUV market. It was as if other manufacturers simply didn't see the point in making luxury SUVs - until they did-and they started selling like hotcakes. 

These days Luxury SUVs are coming from the likes of Porsche, Alfa Romeo, Aston Martin, Jaguar and Bentley. Still, perhaps due to its early start, for me personally, Range Rover has always been the best overall for value, luxury, and ability. During my first ever long drive in a Range Rover, I remember proclaiming how I had “zero need for this car, but my god, I want one!”

BMW's X7 is pitched against a fleet of rivals such as the Porsche Cayenne, Audi Q7 and Mercedes-Benz GLS, which all retail at around £50-60,000. The X7 is curious, though, because despite being 'the new kid on the block', it's even more expensive than the rivals. The BMW's take on the Lux-SUV starts from £74,300, and if you want the really posh one (the X7 M50), by the time you have added the necessary bells and whistles, you're easily signing into a credit agreement for more than £113,000.

You may have noticed that I failed to mention the good old Range Rover in the rivals list, well that's because the absolute cheapest equivalent Range Rover (before you've added anything more than a luxurious floor matt) will now set you back a staggering £94,000. This is a real shame because for me personally, the Range Rover should have been the benchmark, but it's now £20,000 more expensive for even the base model car. Spec up the biggest and the best Range Rover with all the toys and that figure suddenly becomes £160,000+ ...but let's park the Range Rover to one side with the other 'rivals' for a moment and focus on the task in hand: the £88,985.00 BMW X7 40D M Sport I've got for a week. 

Okay, first things first; yes, it's massive. Really massive. The standard-sized X7 measures in at more than 5 metres in length (that's about 17ft if you're from the olden times or the USA), it's wide too at 2 metres, and once you add the roof height (1.8 metres) into the equation, you're suddenly not that keen on visiting any multistorey car parks. On the inside, the 'big' theme continues. Driving the X7 is like driving a room full of lovely luxurious furniture. This furniture also happens to adjust to your desired seating position in countless ways, and it also heats you, cools you and offers a full body massage (yes, really!). Also in 'the room' are big screens, two in the front and two in the back for infotainment, TV and instrument clusters. Then there is the audio system, it's Harmon Kardon in this model, which offers a sublime sound quality for just about anything you want to listen to. 

Unsurprisingly, with its panoramic glass roof, merino leather, premium sound system and multiple massage options for your back and bottom, it's an extremely pleasant place to be, and aside from the luxuries of comfort, there are also conveniences and safety options like lane assist, radar cruise control, collision warning systems, and driver alertness monitoring. 

So, it's big, luxurious, and safe, but what's it like to drive? Well, this is where it gets interesting because it's unexpectedly dynamic. You would be forgiven for thinking a 2,500kilo 1.8 metre tall car would be quite the event through quick corners, and yet with the M Sport dynamic suspension, it's actually very impressive. Consider the platform is essentially just a 7 series on stilts, and it all starts to make sense. If there is one thing that BMW has always been good at, it's making cars that feel balanced and refined regardless of their size and weight. The X7 is a showcase for this, and I'd even go as far as to say it's a 'fun' drive. 

There are multiple engine choices for the X7, all of which are driven through the ZF8 automatic gearbox and the fabulous XDrive system. My '40D' has the 3-litre turbo-diesel producing a perfectly ample 335bhp. There are bigger power options, of course, including the 4.4-litre twin-turbo petrol V8 'M50' power train, but I'm not entirely sure I see the point in a 523bhp seven-seat SUV unless you get on particularly well with your local petrol station attendee. The '40D' is quiet, refined and definitely quick enough. At no point did I feel it was down on power. 

On the topic of practicality, the X7 is near-flawless. Provided you have no requirement for the 6th and 7th seats, you have a boot big enough to accommodate a pack of dogs, and with all the rear seats folded flat, you suddenly have yourself a very posh van. As a car, though, space is ample, with zero complaints from any passengers about space or legroom. Even the back row (6th & 7th seat) has its very own panoramic roof and isolated climate control. Despite its size, the X7 doesn't feel intimidating to drive on the road. With the aid of 3D cameras, park assist, and more PDC sensors than you would ever need, parking and manoeuvring through tight spots is pretty straightforward and comparable to a car of half its size. 

Let's recap on the rivals and jump back to the real world—the world where my own desire for ownership is nothing more than hypothetical. I've been fortunate to drive most of the rivals I mentioned earlier, with the exception of the GLS and the latest (yet to be released) Range Rover; however, I have had plenty of time behind the wheel of previous Range Rover models, and I've always proclaimed their brilliance. 

I've had long drives of the even more expensive luxury SUVs, too. I've driven £240,000 worth of W12 Bentley Bentayga on a 4000-mile European road trip. I've also experienced almost £300,000 worth of Rolls-Royce Cullinan around the Surrey Hills for a few days, and yet I've always claimed out of all of the big money luxury cars, I'd always personally opt for the brilliant (and yet cheaper) Range Rover. Until now.

The X7 is everything I would want from a luxury SUV in terms of comfort, options, space and enjoyment and yet, it's £20,000 less than the Range Rover I've always loved. You can drive it spiritedly, you can cruise in comfort and thanks to the badges on the front and back you feel more welcome on the road. I still have absolutely zero need for a luxury SUV but now I want an X7.

The BMW X7 is my new benchmark. I wonder if the 2022 Range Rover will reclaim the title?

READ THE LATEST REVIEW ON THE 2024 BMW X7 M60 HERE

Special thanks to: Partridge BMW, Hampshire
Words and Photos: John Marcar
Interior & design images: BMW GmbH